just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There's always time for handjobs
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
