So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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