I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
