Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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