Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
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