Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
