I am puke
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
