What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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