He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
