the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
