I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
