that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
