I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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