what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Randomize
