I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
