I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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