i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize