dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i've created a new STD.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
