I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
