If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
