hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize