The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
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