i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
