Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
