i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
