and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
