can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
