I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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