Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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