normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
