Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
