I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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