dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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