She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
