I need to stop coming to work sober
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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