like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
