I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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