he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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