Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
