nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
