My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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