All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
