i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
