Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
