People in love make me want to vomit
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
