omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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