I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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