She's JV to your varsity
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
