a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
