I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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