My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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