apparently the secret to your success is patron
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
