the condom got lost in my hair
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
