I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I love you.
Bad choice
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