You're my little dorito
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
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I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
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Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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