If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
