In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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