FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
