I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
