You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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