He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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