ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
