Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
