Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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