I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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