Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
