In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
