I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
