you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
NoShamevember. You game?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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