I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
