Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
